Thoughts Of A Misfit Angel

::sigh::
Where do i start?

Well, Prom is in a week. I'm excited, but def. not ready. I still gotta get shoes, a bootenere, and a few alterations on my dress. And everybody is making a big deal where to go to eat. At first Kendyl suggested California Dreamin'. Which sounded cool, so thats where i decided i wanted to go. Then Ben and all the other guys was like "oh im not going there... blah blah bullshit blah blah" But i still wanted to go! The group was spliting apart. Me and kendyl wanted to go to Cali Dreamin' while 3 others wanted to go to Sullivans while 2 others wanted to go to some japanese resteruant. Everybody kept changing their mind, so Ben and the other 2 guys made reservations at sullivans. Well, i found out that it would be too much of a hassle to go to Cali, cuz its a long drive, traffic, and gas prolly wouldnt allow it, so i changed my mind, but i didnt want to go to sullivans b/c i heard the food was nasty and the service sucked. Well, then i thought about the Gray House. And everybody was for it, but then once again, ben started talking now everybody wants to go to Sullivans and not the gray house. Even tho the gray house is CHEAPER and a nice place to take pictures, but hey, what do i know? So of course, everybody is bitching. So i said fuck it. Everybody go where you want to and i'll go where i want to Its my prom as much as everybody eles ya know? Well, Kendyl gets upset b/c i said i wasnt going with the group. So what if i dont want to go with the group? If i want to go to the Gray house i will! Theres goods and bads on both ones, so i really dont know. And half the reason i didnt want to go with a big group, and just a few people, is b/c my date doesnt talk much around other people. He's the kinda guy that sits and watches people and gets to know them by there actions b/4 he talks to them. They've been around him before and dont like him b/c he doesnt talk. But when hes a round me he doesnt be quiet. LOL.. he's just a different person around a hwole bunch of people, but he wont "come out" for the others to see the real side of him. ... ::sigh:: So i just dont know what im gonna do.
And then after prom we were supposed to get a hotel, but yet again, Joc is not going through with the plan. Its a week before prom and all he's odne is called for prices... what we need to do is get everybody's money together and BUY the stupid ass thing, or we arnt gonna have anywhere to go afterwards. Im getting tired of harrassing him about it, so if he doesnt do it soon, fine, i'll just go home or somewhere else.It doesnt really matter to me.

Well, this next part i feel like an idiot. For so long, i've never felt pretty enough. I wake up in the monrings sometimes and look in the mirror, try my best to dress up, look nice, but then i get to school and see my reflection in the glass or whatnot and its so dissapointing. I know i shouldnt care what other people think of me, but It would be nice to feel pretty. I see all these people ad all i hear about through art is "oh shes hott" "oh shes cute" blah blah... well, i dunno. for some reason today it just got the best of me and i starting thinking.. ya know, no guy ever looks me. Nobody ever turns there head my way and if they do there ugly or retarded. Its very depressing sometimes and i got really upset and started crying. I went to the back of the artroom and tried to hold back the tears as much as i could, but soon they just started flowing. I couldnt stop them. April came back there and asked what was wrong. Of course i didnt tell her. How stupid does that sound? "Oh i dont feel pretty enough so im sitting here crying like a little baby..." *rolls eyes* i know it sounds ridiculous, but to me its a big deal. Of course to me its a big deal. Its me im talking about. I figured after i got my hair done and tanned alittle bit, i might look alittle better and get noticed. Do i? Hmm... Do pigs fly? No. And then i gotta put up with a snobby ass stupid bitch who thinks shes God's gift to men. It really makes me mad that she goes around saying "im the prettiest one who works up here" BLAH! She flirts with anything with a penis and shes so attention starved its annoying. I cant stand attention craved girls, and shes that plus 10 worse. Just flat out annoying. UGH...
Anyways, i graduate in less than a month. Kinda scary. I'm trying to fill out scholarship applications and what not, but i doubt i'll get anything, b/c im a loser, and aslacker. The good news is i AM graduating with HONORS. Go me.
Anyways,
i'm tired, its been a long day. I feel depressed and ready to kill myself, but dont i always when i write on this thing? ::sigh:: yeah whatever. Well im out.
Later.

Posted at 10:08 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

::sigh::
Where do i start?

Well, Prom is in a week. I'm excited, but def. not ready. I still gotta get shoes, a bootenere, and a few alterations on my dress. And everybody is making a big deal where to go to eat. At first Kendyl suggested California Dreamin'. Which sounded cool, so thats where i decided i wanted to go. Then Ben and all the other guys was like "oh im not going there... blah blah bullshit blah blah" But i still wanted to go! The group was spliting apart. Me and kendyl wanted to go to Cali Dreamin' while 3 others wanted to go to Sullivans while 2 others wanted to go to some japanese resteruant. Everybody kept changing their mind, so Ben and the other 2 guys made reservations at sullivans. Well, i found out that it would be too much of a hassle to go to Cali, cuz its a long drive, traffic, and gas prolly wouldnt allow it, so i changed my mind, but i didnt want to go to sullivans b/c i heard the food was nasty and the service sucked. Well, then i thought about the Gray House. And everybody was for it, but then once again, ben started talking now everybody wants to go to Sullivans and not the gray house. Even tho the gray house is CHEAPER and a nice place to take pictures, but hey, what do i know? So of course, everybody is bitching. So i said fuck it. Everybody go where you want to and i'll go where i want to Its my prom as much as everybody eles ya know? Well, Kendyl gets upset b/c i said i wasnt going with the group. So what if i dont want to go with the group? If i want to go to the Gray house i will! Theres goods and bads on both ones, so i really dont know. And half the reason i didnt want to go with a big group, and just a few people, is b/c my date doesnt talk much around other people. He's the kinda guy that sits and watches people and gets to know them by there actions b/4 he talks to them. They've been around him before and dont like him b/c he doesnt talk. But when hes a round me he doesnt be quiet. LOL.. he's just a different person around a hwole bunch of people, but he wont "come out" for the others to see the real side of him. ... ::sigh:: So i just dont know what im gonna do.
And then after prom we were supposed to get a hotel, but yet again, Joc is not going through with the plan. Its a week before prom and all he's odne is called for prices... what we need to do is get everybody's money together and BUY the stupid ass thing, or we arnt gonna have anywhere to go afterwards. Im getting tired of harrassing him about it, so if he doesnt do it soon, fine, i'll just go home or somewhere else.It doesnt really matter to me.

Well, this next part i feel like an idiot. For so long, i've never felt pretty enough. I wake up in the monrings sometimes and look in the mirror, try my best to dress up, look nice, but then i get to school and see my reflection in the glass or whatnot and its so dissapointing. I know i shouldnt care what other people think of me, but It would be nice to feel pretty. I see all these people ad all i hear about through art is "oh shes hott" "oh shes cute" blah blah... well, i dunno. for some reason today it just got the best of me and i starting thinking.. ya know, no guy ever looks me. Nobody ever turns there head my way and if they do there ugly or retarded. Its very depressing sometimes and i got really upset and started crying. I went to the back of the artroom and tried to hold back the tears as much as i could, but soon they just started flowing. I couldnt stop them. April came back there and asked what was wrong. Of course i didnt tell her. How stupid does that sound? "Oh i dont feel pretty enough so im sitting here crying like a little baby..." *rolls eyes* i know it sounds ridiculous, but to me its a big deal. Of course to me its a big deal. Its me im talking about. I figured after i got my hair done and tanned alittle bit, i might look alittle better and get noticed. Do i? Hmm... Do pigs fly? No. And then i gotta put up with a snobby ass stupid bitch who thinks shes God's gift to men. It really makes me mad that she goes around saying "im the prettiest one who works up here" BLAH! She flirts with anything with a penis and shes so attention starved its annoying. I cant stand attention craved girls, and shes that plus 10 worse. Just flat out annoying. UGH...
Anyways, i graduate in less than a month. Kinda scary. I'm trying to fill out scholarship applications and what not, but i doubt i'll get anything, b/c im a loser, and aslacker. The good news is i AM graduating with HONORS. Go me.
Anyways,
i'm tired, its been a long day. I feel depressed and ready to kill myself, but dont i always when i write on this thing? ::sigh:: yeah whatever. Well im out.
Later.

Posted at 10:08 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Yo, i switched BLogs...... duh.

Check this shit out...

XxKittySuicidexX

Posted at 10:13 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Today was good...

I got up and went to church with my mom... we've actually been getting along quiet well lately... we went to church and then went to Atlanta Bread Company to get something to eat. Ken was working so we talked for a little while... i got a vanilla cappachino! YUMMY.. i had like 1/4 coffe, 3/4 vanilla! LOL, i hate the coffee taste,.. but i love sweet vanilla cappachino... is that weird? Eh, well... Anyways,
Then i saw drew. *smiles* We went to liabrary for me to check out some things, but couldnt find anything so we rode around pretty much. He's so sweet. I was like "Where do you wanna go? What do you wanna do?" and he's like, "i dont care, i just like hanging out with you." awww! Anyways, later we met up with Ken and drove around, went to the lake and chilled, drawing on the dock! lol.. then we went to the park and played for a while... I got more to write, but i wanna make a new blog... i dunno just bored of this one.. gonna go look for kickass pics. to put on there. L8r.

Posted at 10:19 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Aint i a mother fucking idiot... got dammit im a fucking idiot...

::sigh:: today was just one of them days...

I actually have a car now, so i got up, went to go get my glasses and went to lunch with my mother, then after that i went shopping for Kendyls birthday... yay! im so excited.... shes gonna get such a big surprize... then i had to go work... argh, that sucked. It took me ALL DAY looking for Ken's present tho, but i think it was def. worth it.

Anyways, nothing exciting today folks... blah day like always... i'll up date later i suppose,... buh-bye!

Posted at 01:39 am by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Wussup?????

OK well i got some good news and bad news...

The good news...

I got a 91 on my senior project!!! HELL YEAH!!! See, to you that wouldn't be all exciting, BUT, to me it is. BECAUSE of the face that i had two days to do it, compared to two months like everybody else. I found out i could do it on Friday, it was due that monday... So, i worked on it some Saturday and then ALL day Sunday, didnt go to sleep, worked all through the night to Monday and missed first period on Monday.... But, i got it done and it was AWESOME! Im so excited. She said my sources were excellent. And this is a HARD teacher, im VERY highly impressed with myself... ah great...

Oh the other hand, now for the bad news...

Ok, it took me a while to do my self portrait expressive painting because it was very detailed and im a very particular person, so it takes me a while to paint, well, our DUMBASS student teacher thinks you can put a deadline on art and expect it to look good, so while the whole class did theirs in a week, i did mine in three, big deal right? Mrs. Spainhour, our art teacher usually, as long as we get it done by the end of the semster, its cool, well, the fuckin teacher fucked me over, guess what i got on it? a FUCKING 86!!!!!!! what the hell? Not to brag, but mine looked the best out of all of them, and JUST BECAUSE i took A LITTLE bit longer than everybody else, i got a fucking 86... im fucking PISSED, i think i might talk to Mrs. Spainhour tommorrow and see what i can do, i've NEVER got below a 95 on anything in art,.... ugh, im so mad... fucking bullshit whore...

::Sigh:: anyways, im also pretty pissed, cuz Nick took my jacket Friday and he brings it back today and my Blink 182 pin is missing.. some fucker at th emall took it, but i know who it is and im going up there and getting his fucking ass... i want my pin back. The somebeach wasnt cheap...

ANyways, besides that nothing really has happend. My car isnt back yet, but mama said she would get it odne before my birthday which is in almost exactly a month! WHOOHOOO.... 18 baby!!!!! Im excited... for Kendyls birthday i think we're going to a lake house and staying the weekend of something. its gonna be awesome... im so excited. But anwyays, back to my story, i havent got my car back yet, but its SOOO funny cuz right now im driving my grandma's old old ugly BROWN olsmobile! LOL, yeah kinda embarrasing but hey, it gets me from place to place so i really dont care..... Anyways, its late and i got tons of shit to do, so i guess i'll catch ya'll up later... Leave me some luvin. L8r.

Posted at 10:53 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

wussup you lovely lovely people?
Well, today was pretty good. GOt up, went to school like always. I didn't get to see Drew at lunch because he left school early, *sadness* but he called me during lunch *happiness*. So its all good. Then me and mom went to go look for frams for my new glasses. I hate glasses, but the ones i picked out dont look TOO bad on me. So im kinda excited to get them cuz i really do need thyem sometimes to see. LOL, im tired of having squint my eyes to see, or seeing blury shit all the time. After that we got something to eat and looked around in the mall.

Oh fuck yeah i got four new CD's today. Starting Line, Yellowcard, Snow Patrol, and Squad 5-0. I was going to get the new The Used CD, but i downloaded their songs off the internet and it wasnt that great. I liked the first one much better. How come really really really good bands second CD suck compared to their first one? Wouldnt it make since for them to get BETTER and not worse? Hmm.. apparently not.

Anyways, tonight is the first night i actually have a chance to go to bed before midnight, so im taking full advantage. Sorry this is short, i'lll update later. But i did want to say that maybe its lookin up for me just alittle bit. Im not to the point anymore where i HAVE to have somebody there for me. Im not getting TOO attached to anybody right now but its nice to have somebody there ya know? I dont need a serious realtionship right now, so im just kinda having fun, being the silly 17 year old i should be. I dunno, today was a good day, and hopefully tommorrow will be too. My birthday is in a month (Nov 12) and im hoping to get my car back by then. Until then i have to drive around my grandmas 80 something olsmobile, lol, a freakin boat, but hey, its gets me from place to place so its all good...

Alrighty, i guess i'll talk to ya'll peeps later. *MUAH* luv you all. Later.

Posted at 11:06 pm by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Why cant anybody read between the lines?
Why do people always think "oh it cant be as bad as they make it out to be"?
What if its worse?
Why cant people see when people SCREAM on the inside
cry to theirselves,
And mental and physically hurt themselves?
Are people so blind that they cant read between the lines?
What does somebody have to do
Just to feel loved?
What does somebody have to do
to have arms wrapped around them
holding them while they cry
And not even asking why
What does one have to do
To be loved just like you are
Why is it so hard to see what kinda pain i go through?
Does these lines on my wrist mean nothing?
You'll never understand the pain i go through,
But why is it so hard just love me for me?
No questions asked,
No comments made,
Just to put your arms me,
kiss me goodnight,
And say i love you
For the last time........
What is it gonna take
For people to realize
its not my fault...
I dont mean to push you away
hurt you,
curse you,
Its the only way i can protect myself
from slippin with this blade
Ever heard that song
"I never ment to be so cold, never ment to be so cold, what i really ment to say is im sorry for the way, i am.... i never ment to be so cold, never ment to be so.. cold."
Thats my song to the world...
Im sorry, this is how i am,
Cold and heartless,
.....just tell me, what is gonna take?

Posted at 12:27 am by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Wow, been a while huh? Nothings really happend so i havent been writing. School has keep me unfathumly busy. So on the weekends i try to get outta the house and chill just alittle bit before starting it all over again on Monday.
I met this guy named Drew. He's really sweet. We hung out almost all day today. He doesnt talk much, but he puts his arm around me and strokes my hair and is just sweet all around. I dunno,... just somebody there to keep me company i guess.

SOmething interesting happned today. Bj called me... weird huh? Kinda freaked me out, but then again i was kinda happy cuz even tho he is probably the most perverted thing on the face of this planet, he DID seem to care for me while we were dating and he's been stcking around through alot, but as alwasy we always end up fighting with eachother. Goh, wtf? WHy do i even talk to him!? All he does is make me feel like shit NOW,..... i guess i just remember all the good times we've had and sometmies want it back so desparently, but its apparent that will never happen. Never. Just like nothing else will ever happen with anybody else... nobody... cuz im a fuck up.. a guinuine fuck up, laughing stock of the whole fucking world... a perfect example of what people need NOT to be... what the fuck ever, think i give a fuck? LOL, nope.

Anywyas, i get to play basketball this year... YAY. im excited.
Well, i was gonna go into detail about my feelings or what not but i got tons of homework to do.. AGAIN... and i jsut dont feel like it.... so i'll write again later.
Bye

Posted at 12:00 am by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart

Posted at 11:50 am by MisfitAngel
Etch It In My Heart