Where do i start?
Well, Prom is in a week. I'm excited, but def. not ready. I still gotta get shoes, a bootenere, and a few alterations on my dress. And everybody is making a big deal where to go to eat. At first Kendyl suggested California Dreamin'. Which sounded cool, so thats where i decided i wanted to go. Then Ben and all the other guys was like "oh im not going there... blah blah bullshit blah blah" But i still wanted to go! The group was spliting apart. Me and kendyl wanted to go to Cali Dreamin' while 3 others wanted to go to Sullivans while 2 others wanted to go to some japanese resteruant. Everybody kept changing their mind, so Ben and the other 2 guys made reservations at sullivans. Well, i found out that it would be too much of a hassle to go to Cali, cuz its a long drive, traffic, and gas prolly wouldnt allow it, so i changed my mind, but i didnt want to go to sullivans b/c i heard the food was nasty and the service sucked. Well, then i thought about the Gray House. And everybody was for it, but then once again, ben started talking now everybody wants to go to Sullivans and not the gray house. Even tho the gray house is CHEAPER and a nice place to take pictures, but hey, what do i know? So of course, everybody is bitching. So i said fuck it. Everybody go where you want to and i'll go where i want to Its my prom as much as everybody eles ya know? Well, Kendyl gets upset b/c i said i wasnt going with the group. So what if i dont want to go with the group? If i want to go to the Gray house i will! Theres goods and bads on both ones, so i really dont know. And half the reason i didnt want to go with a big group, and just a few people, is b/c my date doesnt talk much around other people. He's the kinda guy that sits and watches people and gets to know them by there actions b/4 he talks to them. They've been around him before and dont like him b/c he doesnt talk. But when hes a round me he doesnt be quiet. LOL.. he's just a different person around a hwole bunch of people, but he wont "come out" for the others to see the real side of him. ... ::sigh:: So i just dont know what im gonna do.
And then after prom we were supposed to get a hotel, but yet again, Joc is not going through with the plan. Its a week before prom and all he's odne is called for prices... what we need to do is get everybody's money together and BUY the stupid ass thing, or we arnt gonna have anywhere to go afterwards. Im getting tired of harrassing him about it, so if he doesnt do it soon, fine, i'll just go home or somewhere else.It doesnt really matter to me.
Well, this next part i feel like an idiot. For so long, i've never felt pretty enough. I wake up in the monrings sometimes and look in the mirror, try my best to dress up, look nice, but then i get to school and see my reflection in the glass or whatnot and its so dissapointing. I know i shouldnt care what other people think of me, but It would be nice to feel pretty. I see all these people ad all i hear about through art is "oh shes hott" "oh shes cute" blah blah... well, i dunno. for some reason today it just got the best of me and i starting thinking.. ya know, no guy ever looks me. Nobody ever turns there head my way and if they do there ugly or retarded. Its very depressing sometimes and i got really upset and started crying. I went to the back of the artroom and tried to hold back the tears as much as i could, but soon they just started flowing. I couldnt stop them. April came back there and asked what was wrong. Of course i didnt tell her. How stupid does that sound? "Oh i dont feel pretty enough so im sitting here crying like a little baby..." *rolls eyes* i know it sounds ridiculous, but to me its a big deal. Of course to me its a big deal. Its me im talking about. I figured after i got my hair done and tanned alittle bit, i might look alittle better and get noticed. Do i? Hmm... Do pigs fly? No. And then i gotta put up with a snobby ass stupid bitch who thinks shes God's gift to men. It really makes me mad that she goes around saying "im the prettiest one who works up here" BLAH! She flirts with anything with a penis and shes so attention starved its annoying. I cant stand attention craved girls, and shes that plus 10 worse. Just flat out annoying. UGH...
Anyways, i graduate in less than a month. Kinda scary. I'm trying to fill out scholarship applications and what not, but i doubt i'll get anything, b/c im a loser, and aslacker. The good news is i AM graduating with HONORS. Go me.
Anyways,
i'm tired, its been a long day. I feel depressed and ready to kill myself, but dont i always when i write on this thing? ::sigh:: yeah whatever. Well im out.
Later.